I’m gonna be slingin Heinekensand Red Headed Slut all night! By the way, Did I tell you how much I cleaned earlier today? No? Well I’ll let you guess , it’s a bit higher than my splooge count. You see this honey next to me, she’s diggin my skin tight shirt rapt around this cock-deisel frame. Why else would she stay with a pathetic douchebag with what I have been told is a needle-dick?
I’m laughing having a good time. I’m the man you want to be at the bar. As the saying goes, the men want to be me, the women want to be with me. Is it the funny shirt sayings or the calm relaxed composure knowing that cute little blonde spinner is just dying to get a piece of me. I’ll leave with them digits, take her out for a nice seafood dinner party, and never call her back!
I’ll be the one sportin weather beatin croc’s with a pair of scratched up costa del mar’s hanging from my sun beaten redneck. I’ll have a cold landshark in my hand, but don’t for one second think that I’m only a few brews deep. No, no, no. I have been drinkin since your first piss this morning. You make the conclusion to share your big fish story with me. Bad move. So you caught a big smallmouthbass, huh? Well I caught a gigantic largemouth. Landed a mackerel? Well…I lit up a marlin. Hooked a whale? I made Moby Dick suck mine. You won’t win.
You’ll find out that i’ll be putting off the “I f#ck on the first date” vibe. How? Because I felt that it was necessary to announce it at the chucky cheese on my funny tshirts in a 9 inch lettering. Where did your girlfriend go? She’s “First Dating” me in the bouncy ball pit. It’s not my fault that your twin daughters are pokin me on facebook, while i’m googling their yahoo. You call me a prick… but they just dig my offensive t-shirts.
Has this martini been shakin or stirred? Why?! Because the fiz bubbles will upset my washboard tummy. Don’t razz me you silly excuse for a barkeeper. I know the owner of this establishment and I’ll have you out on the curb with the snap of my limp wrist joint.